Who I am

Hello!

I'm so glad you've come to visit.  I want to give some background on myself, I think it will make this all a bit more personal and real.

I'm a 20 year old college student.  My major is psychology (I find irony in this), I work part time as a receptionist, and I live with my boyfriend of over 3 years.  I have 2 cats, Anikan and Binx, and I love them dearly.

My personality is rather eclectic.  I'm hard to embarrass, and rarely scared to try something.  I'm not very good at socializing with my peers, because my jokes are a bit of a stretch or take too much thought, and my opinions are usually backed with in depth reasoning instead of just whatever popped into my head.  I'm rather Hermione-esque.  I don't mean to answer every question the teacher asks, but damn it someone has to or she'll never stop staring at us.  My feelings get hurt rather easily, depending on the person who's doing it.  I can't fake being okay in that respect.  If my feelings are hurt, I will pout and it will be noticeable.  

My brief history here on Earth has been a roller coaster.  My family was rich, then they were poor, we were broken, then repaired, and now we're just kind of...existing.  We want for near nothing, my parents (albeit feisty), are in love, and my sister is the average teenager.  

I suffered from a stint of depression in my young teen years due to some underlying issues that I've faced and passed.  It was a hard time for myself and my family, and I still do regret making life that much harder for my mother.  

I've also dabbled in anorexia, luckily I have also moved on from that.  I don't know how much you folks know about anorexia, but it is a disease of the mind.  Even once your body regains normalcy, your mind is forever altered.  With that fact, comes low self esteem (though you'd never know I had that), body image issues and when combined with a few other things, often times depression.

I want to be very clear about something now.

I have a wonderful life.  

My boyfriend and I recently took a road trip to New Orleans and Disney World and it was marvelous.  My family loves me and we're very close.  I love school and am looking forward to getting my degree (in about a billion years). I have a lovely job, a car, a roof over my head, groceries in my fridge.  I am very blessed.

The thing about depression is...

Depression doesn't care that I have all these great things.  Depression doesn't take into account that I "have no reason to be depressed".  It just doesn't work that way.

But that is the reaction that I get when I tell people that I suffer from depression.

So, I simply learned that I will not tell them.

I will deal with it myself, I will deal with it internally, because I do not have the support I require to do otherwise.

That's who I am.  

I'm the smiling girl, in love with her boyfriend, obnoxious in class and laughing too loud in the theater, who has a war raging just below the surface.